On Sunday, the second season of The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes will finally premiere. If you didn't have time to revisit the first season, refresh your memory as I try to summarize each episode in four sentences or less, not counting stage directions.
Iron Man is Born!
IRON MAN: I don't need anyone else to help me fight crime.
NICK FURY, PEPPER POTTS, and JIM RHODES: Or do you?
IRON MAN: Shut up, guys!
Thor, The Mighty
THOR: I shall go fight crime on Midgard and also court the brave and attractive Dr. Jane Foster.
(Meanwhile, on the Isle of Silence)
LOKI: If everything goes as planned, I shall have Asgard conquered just in time for the release of Thor's movie! No one is ready for what comes next...
Hulk vs. The World
HULK: Hulk just misunderstood.
HAWKEYE: Black Widow, are you a double agent for SHIELD and HYDRA?
BLACK WIDOW: No, you are! (frames Hawkeye, who then gets arrested by SHIELD)
Meet Captain America
OLD-TIMEY NEWSREEL REPORTER: Now, we shall recount the origin and WWII exploits of Captain America and Bucky Barnes, two of the greatest heroes in the fight against the Naz-I mean, HYDRA!
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Now that we've infiltrated another base and foiled another HYDRA scheme, it's time to defeat Red Skull once and for all!
(Red Skull escapes before Cap and Bucky can defeat him, then Bucky saves Cap from an imminent explosion by knocking him into the Arctic Ocean. Cut to some time in the 40th century.)
KANG THE CONQUEROR: Curse Captain America! Somehow he's causing the disintegration of my empire! (travels back in time with the intention of destroying Captain America and/or conquering 21st century Earth)
The Man in the Ant Hill
WASP: Come on, Hank! Let's go fight crime and save people!
ANT-MAN: But I don't wanna fight!
(Meanwhile, in Wakanda)
BLACK PANTHER: The Man-Ape killed my father and took his throne, so I will take my father's mantel and begin a journey towards absolute perfection!
Breakout, Part One
70+ VILLAINS and HAWKEYE: Jailbreak! Woot!
Breakout, Part Two
GRAVITON: I shall destroy New York!
IRON MAN, THOR, HULK, ANT-MAN/GIANT-MAN, and WASP: Not if we can help it!
(Five aforementioned heroes kick Graviton's butt!)
IRON MAN: We should work together more often!
WASP: We can be Avengers.
Some Assembly Required
(Iron Man founds Avengers Mansion, and also makes the heroes some new gear.)
AMORA: I've come to torment you more, Thor, and I shall start by brainwashing the Hulk!
(Amora's brainwashing eventually causes a battle between the Hulk and Thor.)
IRON MAN: Avengers, assemble!
(Amora gets the Hulk involved in a battle against his teammates, but the Avengers get her back.)
HULK: Hulk quit!
(The team's search for the Hulk results in them finding Captain America frozen in a block of ice, so they promptly revive him.)
IRON MAN: Welcome back, Cap.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Do I still have a place in the world?
BARON ZEMO: (after breaking into the Avengers Mansion) Well, evil's still at large.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Works for me!
(Cap kicks Zemo's butt, helps the Avengers defeat Doughboy, and then joins their team!)
Everything is Wonderful
WONDER MAN: Now that AIM has turned me into a being of ionic energy, I swear revenge on Tony Stark, who didn't ask me permission before buying out my company!
IRON MAN: I only wanted to help!
BLACK PANTHER: Avengers, after weeks of stalking you, I ask for aid in solving a Wakandan crisis.
(Avengers evaporate Klaw while Panther pwns Man-Ape.)
BLACK PANTHER: My first act as the new king of Wakanda shall involve taking frequent leaves of absence, as the newest member of the Avengers!
IRON MAN: As our token black though, you can never screw up, and you must accept the possibility that you won't have many lines sometimes.
BLACK PANTHER: Right!
Gamma World, Part One
THE LEADER: I shall use The Cube's gamma energy to turn everyone in the world into monsters!
BLACK PANTHER: Not if I can help it!
(Panther blows up the generator.)
Gamma World, Part Two
THE LEADER: There's more where that came from!
(Another burst of energy turns the Avengers into monsters!)
HAWKEYE and HULK: Here we come to save the day!
(Aforementioned heroes pwn The Leader and turn the Avengers back to normal.)
IRON MAN: Hulk, Hawkeye, you two are in the Avengers movie too, aren't you? Join our team now.
To Be Continued...
These synopses contain three quotes from the show. Would you like to try and find them?